I Didn’t Bounce Back. I Stayed.

By Priya James

At PSI, we understand that storytelling has the power to save lives, and we are honored to provide a space for survivors to share their stories. This article is part of a subsection of the PSI blog dedicated to survivor stories. Please note that this story has not been edited, and caution is advised as distressing themes related to perinatal mental health may be present. If there are specific trigger warnings for an article, they will be listed below. Links to resources can be found at the bottom of this page.

In Association with National Eating Disorder Awareness Week

Becoming a new mom is hard. Your body changes, your identity shifts, and almost overnight, your world begins to revolve around someone who depends on you for everything. For those who have lived in recovery from an eating disorder, that transition can feel especially complex.

I had been in recovery for many years when, a few months before I found out I was pregnant, I relapsed. I remember feeling completely stuck. I was standing at a crossroads, facing a decision that was no longer just about me. My body was no longer mine alone; it was home to a tiny human.

The choice in front of me felt heavy and unfamiliar, and I didn’t feel prepared for it. But I understood that I couldn’t move forward the same way I had before. I had to choose differently. I chose to take care of myself, daily and deliberately, even when it felt uncomfortable and frightening. I focused on nourishment, rather than perfection, knowing that caring for myself was now inseparable from caring for my baby.

In March of 2016, my husband and I welcomed our daughter. From the moment she arrived, everything shifted. She brought a kind of joy and light into our lives that’s hard to put into words. I felt overwhelmed, deeply in love, and genuinely happy.

As time went on, my body changed, as bodies do after pregnancy. At first, I reminded myself that this was both normal and expected. But slowly, familiar thoughts began to surface. I listened as other moms spoke about “bouncing back,” changing their bodies, and reclaiming a version of themselves as quickly as possible. At the same time, I was navigating a culture that does not hold back when it comes to commenting on bodies, remarks often offered casually and without malice, but still leaving a mark. I heard things like, “Oh, I didn’t recognize you, you used to be skinny,” or “You’ve gained a lot of weight.” Inside, I was having a very different conversation, one where I had to keep reminding myself that returning to my eating disorder was not an option.

There were days when the discomfort felt unbearable. I avoided mirrors whenever I could and learned to look away from my shadow on sunny days, afraid of what it might reveal. I stopped going to yoga, knowing every wall would reflect a version of myself I wasn’t ready to see. I skipped social events, avoided photos, and withdrew in quiet ways most people never noticed. It was exhausting. It was isolating. And it followed me every single day.

I could have taken a familiar and destructive path. But one day, I looked at my daughter and realized something with absolute clarity: she was the reason I didn’t. In so many ways, she anchored me when I felt unsteady. I knew I couldn’t let her grow up watching me at war with my body or sense of self-worth. I wanted to be healthy, not just physically, but emotionally, so I could truly be present for her life.

I want her to grow up knowing that beauty has nothing to do with the size of her body or the shape of her reflection. I know she’ll grow up in a world filled with unrealistic standards, social media comparisons, and diet culture disguised as wellness. My responsibility is to show her something different, to model respect and compassion for my body, even on days when doing so feels difficult.

To the mothers who are in recovery, newly postpartum, or quietly struggling: you are not weak for finding this hard. You are strong for staying. You are strong for choosing health again and again. And by showing up imperfectly but honestly, we can help raise children who learn to value themselves far beyond what they see in the mirror.

About the Author

Priya James

Priya James is a nationally recognized advocate and speaker in eating disorder recovery and mental health. She brings a distinguished blend of professional expertise and lived experience to her work, having transitioned from a successful career in the fashion industry into mental health advocacy in 2016.

Her background includes leadership and advisory roles with national organizations and community-based organizations in her hometown of Houston, Texas, centered on eating disorder recovery and mental health awareness. In recognition of her contributions to the field, she is a recipient of the National Eating Disorders Association Inspire Award.

Currently, Priya serves as Associate Director of Community Engagement at NEDA, where she leads inclusive, volunteer-driven initiatives nationwide that support education, connection, and community engagement. She has shared her story and expertise across national television, radio, podcasts, and print media, and remains committed to expanding awareness and access to mental health resources in communities where these conversations are often underserved. Find Priya on Instagram @priyamaryjames.

Explore these PSI Resources:

Specialized Perinatal Support for Eating Disorders
Eating Disorder Support Group (Pregnancy-4 Years Postpartum)
Learn More about Perinatal Mental Health
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