Mother’s Day: A Love Letter to My Younger Self

To the mom who doesn’t feel like herself right now 

By Nancy Goh Kelly, MPH
Regular Contributor

“What would you say to your younger self?” 

This was my favorite question that Dani Giddens and Emily Jankowski asked me when they interviewed me for the I Am One podcast. 

My hardest year of motherhood 

I’m a two-time survivor of postpartum anxiety. My experience after my second baby was even more severe–largely driven by sleep deprivation. 

I tracked every feed and nap, desperately looking for patterns for better sleep. I refused my husband’s help because I wanted to control the nighttime routine. I worried my baby’s cries would wake his older sister. 

I was irritable. I snapped at my husband and kids. I avoided social plans so I could nap. And when I finally had the chance to sleep, I couldn’t–because of all the worrying. 

The exhaustion consumed me, and I felt like a different person. 

The question I didn’t know I needed 

From the moment we deliver our babies, we’re in survival mode. 

Early motherhood, especially that first year postpartum, is so intense and goes by in a blur. It’s also incredibly meaningful. 

But too often, we’re our biggest critic: I’m not enough. I’m failing. I need to do more. 

Those parts rob us of the space needed to reflect on everything we have done. We completely fixate on the outcomes that we miss the process. 

So that podcast question, “What would you say to your younger self?” made me pause. For the first time, it helped me reflect on how far I had come.

Since then, I’ve written a love letter to my younger self every Mother’s Day. Instead of jumping into the next year, it forces me to honor the year before. Because every year of motherhood should be a celebration of our growth. 

A love letter to my younger self 

Here’s what I wrote after that year I experienced severe postpartum anxiety: 

Dear Nancy,

You are built to do hard things.

Be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. I know that’s hard to hear as a recovering perfectionist. 

But those hard, messy moments? They’ll teach you more than you ever imagined. 

Like when your baby wakes up for the fourth time in one night, know that one day you’ll be so proud when you have to wake him up at 7 am. 

When you go to bed resenting your husband for not doing the dishes (again), know that couples counseling will help you feel like a team again. You’ll learn to set boundaries, and be more intentional about your ‘me time’. 

Like when you reach your breaking point and throw a water bottle across the kitchen, know that the very next week, you’ll start therapy. It will put you on a path to healing and you’ll feel like yourself again–present, empowered, and kinder to yourself. 

Like when you’re terrified about leaving a stable job without another lined up. Know that this break is exactly what you needed–to bond with your baby and just rest. You’ll reconnect with what brings you joy and clarify your life’s purpose: build a better world for new moms. 

Every struggle, even the rage-filled moments, is shaping your resilience. Instead of fighting the hard moments, you’ll eventually learn to accept them.

Early motherhood will stretch you beyond what you thought was possible. 

But on the other side is growth. 

Celebrate every win. Listen to your body. Lean on your village. 

And, always, take care of yourself. You and your baby deserve it. 

My wish for all new moms

I wish every mom would write themselves a love letter this Mother’s Day. You deserve to recognize how far you’ve come–and the strength you’ve built. 

Ask yourself:

• What would I say to my younger self?
• What were my hardest moments–and what did I learn? 
• When did I ask for help? How did I change because of it? 
• What am I most proud of? 

Motherhood is one of the hardest, most transformative roles we’ll ever take on. 

Growth doesn’t happen when things are comfortable. And if it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you. 

To all the moms who are in the thick of it. To the ones who are completely exhausted and don’t even recognize themselves. To the ones questioning if you’re going to make it: 

Remember, you are growing even when it doesn’t feel like it. And you are not alone. 

Happy Mother’s Day. 

If you’re struggling, reach out. You’re not alone. Contact Postpartum Support International’s HelpLine at 1-800-944-4773. 

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