The Weight of Silence: Why Black Mothers’ Mental Health Stories Matter

By Jessica Daigle, MD, FAAP

A NICU journey reveals how silence, survival, and strength shape Black mothers’ mental health—and why storytelling matters.

My Story: When Knowledge Wasn’t Enough

When my son was in the NICU, I didn’t seek mental health support right away.

Not because I didn’t understand what was happening. I was already a pediatric resident. I had trained in the NICU and knew what it entailed. The medical language, the monitors, and the routines were familiar.

The medical piece wasn’t the issue.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the emotional weight—the psychosocial toll that followed us home.

The Hardest Part Came After Discharge

Once we left the NICU, life was expected to return to “normal.”

But nothing felt normal.

We were navigating lingering fear, disrupted sleep, and the emotional residue of weeks spent in survival mode. At the same time, I was expected to return to training and function as though life had simply resumed.

Childcare was difficult. Support from my program and even from family was inconsistent. The weight of trying to hold everything together quietly settled in.

When Survival Mode Becomes Silence

I stayed in survival mode longer than I realized.

I told myself this was just part of the process. That I should be able to manage. That others had endured worse.

But as I moved further into my training, something became clear.

I had survived the NICU experience.

I had not processed it.

This pattern is common in Black mothers’ mental health, particularly among those who are capable, accomplished, and accustomed to pushing forward.

The Strength Narrative Starts Early

In Black culture, strength is often assigned before it is chosen.

Even as babies, Black girls are described as “fighters.” Strong. Resilient. Built to endure. Before they have the chance to grow into support, they are given a narrative of toughness.

That message follows many into adulthood and motherhood. Strength becomes expected. Vulnerability becomes optional—or unsafe.

Over time, this framing shapes how Black mothers relate to their own mental health.

How This Impacts Black Mothers’ Mental Health

When strength is the default expectation, asking for help can feel like failure.

Black mothers’ mental health struggles are often minimized—by systems, by communities, and sometimes by individuals themselves. Emotional distress may be reframed as something to endure rather than address.

This can lead to:

• Delayed help-seeking
• Emotional exhaustion being normalized
• Trauma remaining unprocessed

Survival is prioritized. Healing is postponed.

Silence Reinforced From All Sides

This silence does not exist in isolation.

Within communities, strength is often celebrated as protection. Outside of them, that same expectation is frequently projected onto Black mothers.

The result is a question many carry quietly:

Where is the safe place to say, “I am struggling, and I need help”?

When no space feels safe, silence becomes the response.

The Cost of Untold Stories

Unacknowledged trauma does not disappear.

Without space to process, Black mothers may experience ongoing anxiety, emotional numbness, or difficulty adjusting long after the NICU stay ends. Chronic stress can affect long-term well-being.

For many, recognition comes later—long after the crisis has passed.

Why Storytelling Matters

Storytelling interrupts silence.

When Black mothers share their mental health stories, they challenge the belief that strength requires suffering alone. Stories validate experiences that were minimized and give language to emotions that went unnamed.

For Black mothers’ mental health, storytelling is not oversharing. It is truth-telling.

How Stories Bridge Gaps in Care

Stories do more than heal individuals. They inform systems.

Personal narratives help providers understand psychosocial realities beyond medical outcomes. They help communities recognize unmet needs after discharge. They invite healthcare systems to reflect on where care falls short.

Stories humanize what data alone cannot.

Creating Space for Vulnerability

Supporting Black mothers’ mental health requires more than resilience. It requires safety.

That safety begins when emotional struggles are named without judgment, vulnerability is allowed to coexist with strength, and mental health support is normalized as part of care—not a last resort.

Healing happens when silence is no longer expected.

Strength Should Not Require Silence

I share my story because I once believed silence meant I was coping.

Now I understand it meant I was carrying too much alone.

Black mothers’ mental health deserves more than survival. It deserves space, compassion, and care that honors the full human experience.

Strength is not the absence of struggle. Sometimes, it is the courage to say, “I need help.”

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