I did the hardest thing: I asked for help.

Juanita’s Story

At PSI, we understand that storytelling has the power to save lives, and we are honored to provide a space for survivors to share their stories. This article is part of a subsection of the PSI blog dedicated to survivor stories. Please note that this story has not been edited, and caution is advised as distressing themes related to perinatal mental health may be present. If there are specific trigger warnings for an article, they will be listed below. Links to resources can be found at the bottom of this page.

I didn’t realize it until later, but I was suffering from a perinatal mood disorder from my third trimester onwards. But I was so exhausted and caught a stomach bug that I thought the anxiety was just normal nerves before giving birth. For a short span after I gave birth I was so relieved not to be pregnant I thought I was doing great, but slowly it was clear I was unraveling. I had intense intrusive thoughts where I fantasized about being hospitalized so I could rest and not be responsible for my baby. I started feeling stressed and overwhelmed when I was alone with my baby. I constantly thought I was a bad mom. Add on breastfeeding struggles and bouts of insomnia and I was truly losing my grip on reality. Thankfully I had past issues with mental health so I did the hardest thing: I asked for help.

There was an intense period where I called the hotline several times a week just to have a voice reassure me I could get through this. The counselors who spoke to me were so kind, so quick to offer resources, and asked some really good questions. It was truly a lifeline of reassurance that I wasn’t alone.

My doctor got me prescribed medication that helped me get to a baseline, and friends stepped in to help with baby care and give space so me and my husband could sleep. And day by day, little by little, the intensity of the anxiety softened. My baby got on a better routine and so did I, and my friends told me about their own struggles in postpartum even if it hadn’t become a full mood disorder. My mind healed, my body healed, and I wasn’t alone. Eventually I held my baby with peace, connection, and hope. I hope no woman has to go through what I did, but if they do I hope the people around them notice and that they are brave enough to ask for help.

Reach out, tell your doctor the truth, don’t hide your reality. Ask for help, don’t be afraid, go to someone you trust, and at the very least call a help line, reach out to other moms, have someone else who can look at you and say, you’re not alone.

Today I work with young families as a Home Visitor, a field I had never considered before becoming a parent. But my experiences, despite my resources and community, have ignited a passion for supporting young parents who have less resources and community. I want to be a part of that support system, that little voice that says you’re not alone. You are so capable. And I’m here for you.

The views and opinions expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position, or views of PSI, its leadership, employees, affiliates, or partners. Any content provided by the author is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as representing PSI’s official stance on any matter.

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