Haley’s Story
At PSI, we understand that storytelling has the power to save lives, and we are honored to provide a space for survivors to share their stories. This article is part of a subsection of the PSI blog dedicated to survivor stories. Please note that this story has not been edited, and caution is advised as distressing themes related to perinatal mental health may be present. If there are specific trigger warnings for an article, they will be listed below. Links to resources can be found at the bottom of this page.
Trigger warning: suicidal ideation, intrusive thoughts
I truly believe PSI saved my life. I realized I had anxiety but the depression hit me like a train. I felt like I was a burden and that if I took my life, my son was so young that it wouldn’t matter to him and my husband would be able to find somebody “better.” I felt like I was a horrible parent and completely unprepared, despite being almost over-prepared and this being a very planned pregnancy.
I had planned how I was going to end my life.
This all built up to a point I felt I could not return. I made one last ditch effort to seek help and fortunately, this led me to PSI. I found the crisis hotline through the website and was connected to help within minutes. The person I spoke with is a hero. I think about her daily: the stranger who saved my life. She gave me advice and directed me to resources that could help me regularly moving forward. She talked me off the ledge and helped remind me of my value and the impact I’ve had on those who love me. She made me feel important and reminded me that I am loved.
PSI saved my life. My husband of 10 years still has his wife and my son still has his mother because of PSI. My mother still has a daughter and my best friend didn’t have to mourn a loss.
I am eternally grateful for PSI and cannot express how much of a positive impact it’s had on my life. I am now happy, absolutely in love with being a mother, and am thriving in my new role. Motherhood has been fulfilling and shown me my purpose and I’d have never experienced this happiness and absolute love for my family without PSI.
Seek help. Don’t be afraid to put a clean, dry, fed baby in a safe place and step away for a few minutes to breathe. Remember that you are NOT a burden and that you’re that child’s whole world. You are absolutely perfect in their eyes and they need you. There are people who love you and cannot imagine life without you, even if you don’t believe that to be true. Our minds can take us to dark places and we can feel as if there is no hope. There IS hope. I am proof of that and seeking help is the first step. Reaching out for help is NOT being a burden to anyone and everyone you know will be grateful you had the courage to seek help.
Learn More about Perinatal Mental Health Disorders
Free Online Peer Support Groups, including Perinatal Mood Support
