What to do When a Loved One has a Perinatal Mood or Anxiety Disorder (PMAD)
By Elizabeth Kirichenko, LPC, RPT
When a loved one or friend experiences a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder (PMAD) you might wonder what you can do to best support them through it. Here are ideas and strategies from a PSI-trained licensed professional counselor (LPC) and registered play therapist (RPT).
Normalize Their Experience
Share how common it is. According to the Maternal Mental Health Leadership Alliance, at least 1 in 5 childbearing individuals worldwide will experience a PMAD in their lifetime. PMADs are found across all cultures, incomes, and education levels.
If it feels helpful, share a list of celebrities who have experienced a PMAD. Alanis Morrisette, Brooke Shields, Chrissy Teigen, Reese Witherspoon, Olivia Munn, Gwyneth Paltrow, Courtney Cox, Maren Morris, Ayesha Curry, Mena Suvari, Carey Mulligan, Jamie Chung, Cardi B, and Adele have publicly shared their journeys with PMADs. Many people report feeling stronger after receiving supportive treatment and volunteer their story or time to help others with PMADs as a result.
Actively Listen Without Judgment
Talking about negative feelings during pregnancy and postpartum can carry a lot of stigma. Many people feel reluctant to share that they are not feeling like themselves, since society often expects pregnancy and early parenthood to be a joyous time. If someone shares that they are struggling, believe them.
Try to listen and reflect on their experiences without adding your opinion. If you don’t know what to say or how to respond, try pausing and repeating what they said to you. Let them know you hear them, that you care about them, and that you want to support them in the way that feels best. There can be power and healing from sitting together without speaking or trying to fix the situation.
What Not to Say
Do not tell them to simply get over it or to stop feeling that way. This will not help. PMADs are not a personal choice. They will not go away without help. Avoid comparative anecdotes and statements. Phrases involving “enjoy every moment,” “at least,” “others have had it worse,” or “just wait until it gets harder” are not helpful for someone with a PMAD.
What to Say
Offer genuine statements of support and be present with your loved one. Share that you are here for them without making comparative or minimizing statements. Remind them that they are doing a good job, that they are a good parent, and that things do not need to be perfect. Tell them you care about them and are here to support them. Ask them what they need most.
Encourage Rest
Sleep can be one of the most restorative and protective things for a person during pregnancy and the postpartum period. However, sleep can be difficult for someone managing a PMAD. They may feel unable to control their worries or be unable to sleep. If they cannot sleep, encourage them to REST. Give them opportunities to lie down and rest while you take care of something on their to-do list.
Get Them Connected
Offer to help them join an in-person or online support group for new parents. Support groups and social groups provide universality–the feeling that they are not alone. They can provide emotional validation and a sense of relief for people experiencing a PMAD. Many people begin to feel better with social support.
Postpartum Support International provides over 50 no-cost, online support groups monthly. Local organizations like Partners in Parenting in Austin, Texas offer weekly support groups for new parents. Therapists often offer free or low-cost groups as well.
Offer Your Time
Along with your caring presence, your time is invaluable to a person experiencing a PMAD. Enlist friends and family to create a meal train or to check in with them. Some ideas to help postpartum parents are: bring them a healthy meal, pick up their favorite snack, coffee, or beverage, offer to do household chores, change diapers, or provide some childcare while they shower, meet up with a friend, or simply rest.
Know When to Get Help
If their symptoms last longer than two weeks, appear to be impacting their ability to function, parent, sleep, or seem like themselves, offer to reach out to a perinatal mental health therapist. You can call the HelpLine listed below to get advice from a trained volunteer. If they seem out of touch with reality, express thoughts of suicide or hurting themselves or someone else, contact an emergency hotline right away.
Trained perinatal mental health providers are experts at supporting individuals and families with PMADs. PMAD awareness is growing. More people are getting support than ever before thanks to the efforts of policymakers, therapists, social workers, advocates, medical professionals, and parents. In 2024, the U.S. Congress officially named May 5-11 “Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week.”
Share Resources and Helpful Information
Share resources like Postpartum Support International’s webpage. Take a free Perinatal Mental Health training online. Utilize the PMADs discussion tool and connect them to a counselor with perinatal mental health training in their area. You can find PSI Certificate badges on provider websites or search for a PMH-C provider on the PSI Directory.
The good news is that all PMADs are treatable with the right intervention and support. Early intervention is best. Thoughtful friends, family members, partners, and colleagues can make a world of difference by showing up, educating themselves, and offering a supportive presence for parents as they navigate pregnancy and early parenthood.
Helpful PMAD Links and Resources:
Emergency support: 911 for your local police or to ask for a wellness check
Call The National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 988
Call or Text the PSI HelpLine: 1-800-944-4773 (English/Spanish)
National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-852-6262 (English/Spanish)
Join an Online Support Group
Sources:
Cardoza, R. (2023, March 31). Teyana Taylor and More Celeb Moms Get Real About Postpartum Depression. Us Weekly. https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-moms/pictures/celebrity-moms-share-experiences-with-postpartum-depression/
Get Help. (n.d.). Postpartum Support International (PSI). https://postpartum.net/get-help/
(n.d.). In www.mmhla.org. Retrieved June 7, 2024, from https://22542548.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/22542548/Maternal%20Mental%20Health%20Overview%20Fact%20Sheet%20-%20MMHLA%20-%20Nov%202023.pdf
kkleiman. (2023, November 21). Do Not Stop Until You Find the Right Help. PPSC. https://www.postpartumstress.com/post/do-not-stop-until-you-find-the-right-helps
About the Author
Elizabeth Donohoe Kirichenko, MA, LPC, RPT™
Elizabeth Donohoe Kirichenko, MA, LPC, RPT™ is the owner of Clover and Bloom Counseling PLLC, a private therapy practice supporting clients across the state of Texas. She is a licensed professional counselor (LPC), registered play therapist (RPT™), mother, school counselor, and early childhood and special education teacher. Elizabeth supports caregivers, parents, helpers, and creatives experiencing symptoms of stress, anxiety, ADHD, and perfectionism to feel their best. Elizabeth loves to find creative and practical ways for parents of young children to thrive in the early years and shares wellness tips in her weekly counseling newsletter: https://cloverandbloomcounseling.com/counseling-blog.
Elizabeth serves as an Executive Board Member for Partners in Parenting, facilitates new parent groups, volunteers with The Pregnancy and Postpartum Health Alliance of Texas (PPHA), and is a member of Austin Area perinatal mental health directory, Kristi’s List. In her free time, Elizabeth enjoys exploring new places near and far, reading, baking, painting, and creating with her family in Austin, Texas.
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